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I have not received my usual copy of the Birmingham News since last Saturday. By Monday morning, I was having crossword withdrawals and had to resort to my stash of old puzzles. When I am traveling the Alabama back roads, I have the news delivered on schedule and save them up to read at a later date. Well, I save them mostly for the crossword puzzles. I get my day started with coffee and two crossword puzzles. Thinking to myself, I decided that I would simply need to stretch the puzzle experience and to do that, I would write a story and include in it, all the answers of the puzzle. What follows is my first attempt. It was challenging and you must forgive words that should have apostrophes etc. as I had to use them as they were in the puzzle. You will notice the puzzle answers are printed in bold italics.

The window slid open easily, which surprised him, as it would normally jam due to rusts that would form on the metal frame due to the moisture from the Rhine River.He knew this would be a physically rough day on his arthritic knees, due to this same moisture. Looking out into the eastern sun, he wished the window panes were made of glass instead of LuciteHe didn’t like the way the Lucite would scratch up so easily and distort the view when looking out at the Liners that would steal their way up the river.  A lot of the chalets he had looked at when deciding to rent, had lucite windows and he was told that in renting the chalets out during the ski season, it was better than replacing broken glass due to the antics of rowdy party goers.

Hearing the oinks from a group of pigs that had managed to escape from the little farm up the road, reminded Mr. Defoe that he was in the wonderful Alps and he could imagine Lil Heidi running up that very road.

Deciding to lie back down and give way to his aching knees, he pushed his ecru colored suede coverlet aside and settled down to rest his aching joints. Drs that he had seen through the years, recommended he live in a warm climate. Every now and then he would wonder why he ever left Fla, the state in America where many Srs would retire and live out a comfortable life.

Mr. Defoe was a writer and was named after the famous English writer and trader, Daniel Defoe,  and since  he loved books so, was aptly named.  He was quite a saver of books , such as books of poetry written by Ovid and older books that contained some of his favorite fictional characters such as Jane Eyre and Oliver of Hamlet.  These books seemed to be his traveling companions as they went with him from Fla to Del Fuego to Ada, Oklahoma, then on to Des Plaines and all the way to Agra, India where he spent hours writing on the grounds of the beautiful Taj Mahal.  Now he finds himself living in Lichtenstein in the Swiss Alps, with his beloved books.

Falling  off to sleep, he started dreaming weird daytime dreams.  He saw Mel Gibson dressed as the “Patriot” while sitting  on a majestic steed.  Mel Torme was in the dream too,  and was serenading a young lady under a huge oak tree.  Both Mels looked at each other and started singing “God Bless America”.  The scene suddenly changed; he was hearing a rhythmic melody, and to his surprise up rode Patsy Cline and saluted Mel Gibson while singing “Crazy” in her unique strong voice.  Then, holding some sort of doodad, she jumped off her horse and started brushing its shiny mane.  Turning around at the sound of tires squealing, she saw Sandra Dee drive up in a red sports car. Sandra had the radio turned up so loud in that car, that Mel Gibson fell off his horse.  He yelled at her saying that her MHOs were too loud. With this Mel Torme yelled back at him to mind his own ACLU business.  Now all this time, Patsy Cline was still belting out “Crazy”. To the amazement of everyone, Chris Evert showed up  wielding a tennis racket and asked Sandra Dee to drive her to the tennis rally, but first she needed Mel Torme to toss her a tennis ball to make sure she could hit it.  “Well, lets do it,” Mel said as he veered left and then right to get in a right position to get the ball aloft for the great tennis Pro.  Finally, he let go of the ball and watched as Evert leans into it and, aha, she missed.  “Uh Oh” Dee said, “You’re still not as good as Ashe!” “Toss it again” Evert yelled.  Mel took that ball and tried to find its seam.  He had watched baseball pitchers and knew that they paid attention to the seam in the ball.  He wound up and let that ball go, and wallop, Evert knocked it straight into Mel Gibson’s mouth!  SALUDE! Patsy Cline yelled as she waved her sombrero.  Then she changed her song from “Crazy” to “Who’s Sorry Now”.

Mr. Defoe awakened to the startling loud whistle of the Liner as it cruised up the Rhine River passing his writer’s hideout.  All of a sudden he was starving and had to eat. Making his way downstairs he made himself a salad using cos lettuce and ham with a tsp of salad dressing.  Thinking to himself, he decided that when winter came around he would find himself back in Fla, but he would think long and hard before he inks another rental lease.   Maybe, just maybe, by winter he would have his new novel written.

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